It finally happened.
I was banned from a group on Facebook.
Not just any group either. It was a rather large mom group. So as a follow up to my previous entry, in regards to the different kinds of moms on Facebook, I’d like to explain how I found my new favourite mom group, and how I got banned from another one in less than 10 minutes.
You see, I’m a nerd. I’m a Pokemon Go playing super nerd. So there I was chilling in a local Pokemon Go group and I asked if there were any other Pokemoms in the group. (Get it? Pokemoms? Clever right?) Of course there were plenty. The topic of other mom groups came up in a thread and I was lead to this awesome group that just takes in all the misfit moms. Every mom seems to do something a little different from the other and they may joke and play around but no one seemed to really bash or be extraordinarily rude to each other for their views. Sarcasm abound. But no straight up bitch faces.
But this group had a secret, dark side group. A no holds barred sister group. A Free For All. The only thing that couldn’t be brought into the drama was people’s kids and private profile. This group seriously releases the same endorphines in my brain that sex and chocolate do. Apparently, I’m a little catty deep down inside. Maybe not so deep. More like just below the surface there is a raging mean girl who wears black on Wednesdays. And so between these two groups I found a very fun and informative group of people (because there are a few dads hanging around too because they’re smart men).
I’m still pretty new to this group but I’m enjoying myself there. One day I noticed some people talking about a completely separate group and some drama that was going down there. I got curious. So I joined.
I scrolled through and didn’t see anything that really drew my attention or if it did… I knew better than to comment and chose to just scroll on past. However, because I was new to this other group it was required that I fill out a bit of a survey, and get this, post a picture of my infant in her car seat and preferably a picture of where she sleeps. The picture part weirded me out a little. Not that I don’t share photos of my baby on the internet, because, well we’re here, now aren’t we? But to REQUIRE it in order to stay in the group and not be harassed by page admins? Ok… I’ll bite. So I opened the thread to see what others had written and assess the situation.
It was an all out BASH FEST. If you did not answer their questions appropriately you were deemed a #shitmom and were “educated” accordingly. Harshly.
Well, I can take some criticism if I know it’s more or less a game. I can be a good sport. This shit had to be a game.No way were there an entire group of women (because it was no boys allowed) that knew they were this mean and all joined the same group. I know I’m a good mom. My happy, healthy baby lets me know every day I’m a good mom. But I decided to play along.
And so, I answered their questions.
What is your stance on:
Breastfeeding: My daughter is 8 months old and she’s formula fed. I believe in Fed is Best. I tried breast feeding. I failed. The End.
Crying It Out: Now that my daughter is 8 months old (and has weaned herself off her soother), I do let her cry it out at nap time for 3-5 minutes tops.
Vaccines: 100% for vaccines. Because science.
Solids Before 6 Months: I started my daughter on rice cereal at bedtime around 4 months. Began beginner purees at about 5-6 months. Now at 8 months we are starting to introduce “real food”.
Spanking: My daughter is still too young to really know, but I think there are better ways to discipline in most situations.
Extending Rear Facing Car Seats: My daughter is still in her rear facing infant car seat and will remain so until she meets the weight requirements. Then she will be moved to a convertible seat that will be rear facing until she meets the weight requirements.
I answered all their questions honestly. Every word was true. I had nothing to hide because I know I’m a good mom and my daughter is doing just fine. But I knew they’d come at me for a few of my controversial views.
And they did not disappoint.
Apparently I’m an “abusive twat” for allowing my daughter to cry for 3 minutes. I simply clicked “like” on that particular comment. They then started picking on some other girl in the replies to my comment and I asked them to please judge her elsewhere and to continue judging me. This was, clearly, a post designed to judge new members and test their abilities to handle criticism, correct? Correct. And so it continued. I was asked why I believe in Fed is Best? It’s simple really. Not all moms can breast feed and formula can save babies lives. Better formula than nothing. That particular answer seemed to satisfy the hell hounds. Then, when a link to a blog about “peaceful parenting” was posted (it was a .org website which someone tried to tell me was a .gov website), and I replied with “Neat blog. Thanks”, I apparently pushed the wrong button.
This was not a joke. This was very serious. How dare I scoff at their “education”. I was SUCH a moron. Such a #shitmom. How embarrassing for me.
And thus, I was banned. It took no more than 10 minutes. That’s how fast they pounced. That’s how fast I laughed in the face of certain death…erm…condemnation. That’s how terribly obvious it was that I did not belong. I could not sit with them.
Boo! You Whores!
But that’s ok.
Your organic protein bars are going to make you fat anyway you judgemental group of sanctibitches. I hope someone puts foot lotion in your face cream. I don’t want to sit with you anyway.