When I first found out I was going to be a mom I thought “I have an awesome support system. This will be great.” And although I DO have an awesome support system, being a stay at home first time mommy can get lonely sometimes.
So what does a mildly introverted, new mom do when she’s feeling lonely? Play groups? Join a gym? Talk to people in real life? HA! How about find a few mommy groups on Facebook? YOU BETCHA!
Every mom needs a Tribe of other moms that they can ask those questions that a doctor will literally tell you to “try Googling it”. I do have some really amazing mommies in my life, but as we know, life gets busy and we don’t always have time for each other when we’re dealing with our respective clans. So it’s nice to have a virtual outlet of other mommies in the same boat as you. I even went as far as creating my own parenting group (which is awesome by the way).
The only problem with mom groups on Facebook, is that there are millions of people on Facebook. This means there are millions of different kinds of moms on Facebook. This can absolutely be amazing. Sometimes you can find an experience or point of view that makes things make better sense for you. Sometimes you can find someone who seems to be on the same wave length as you and you suddenly feel so relieved to not be alone in how you think and feel. Then there are those times that the Sanctimommies find you. The bleeding heart, organic food only, gave birth to triplets, naturally, in a crystal clear mountain spring while humming classical music to their newborn who has been signed up for a Montessori school since the day they were conceived, moms. Personally, I’m just hoping my daughter gets her Hogwarts letter when she turns 11.
These are the moms that make being part of Facebook groups difficult. These Sanctimommies are the pariahs of the internet that like to suck out the souls of new moms everywhere. I’ve been known to disagree with things I see on the internet. I’ve been known to voice my opinion on something someone has posted. But I’ve never called anyone a bad parent. I hope I have never made another mom feel bad about anything. I try my best to empower other moms in whatever choices they are making for themselves and their wee ones. It is difficult to decipher online what is actually something bad, and what is simply a bad photo or bad explanation of something. So 90% of the time, I continue scrolling. Sanctimommies, never just scroll on by. They always have something to say and it’s very rarely empowering.
The only thing worse than the Sanctimommies are the extreme Anti-Sanctimommies. These are the moms who “never judge”. I think these are the moms that are silently judging but don’t want to be dubbed a Sanctimommy. Or perhaps these are the moms that are guilty of the parenting mistake that is currently up for debate. You’ll find these moms saying things like “You don’t know their life. Let’s not judge other moms”. Anti-Sanctimommies are worse than Sanctimommies only in the sense that I think they would turn a blind eye to something truly bad if it meant they’d be “judging” another mom. Let’s be real here people, we all judge each other. Some of us are just really awful about it, and some do it silently to avoid confrontation.
The main thing that Facebook has taught me about being a mom, is that there is no one way to do it. Every birth story is different. Every baby is different and that alone makes every parenting experience different. I’m a firm supporter of Fed is Best. I don’t care what you choose to do with your baby boys genitalia.What you choose to do with your body is none of my business. Car seat safety IS important and really can’t be debated. Everything else? Not my monkeys. Not my circus. You do you and I’ll do me and in 16 years our kids will all hate us equally.