It’s OK To Not Be A Mom – From a Mom


I’m a new mom.

And I’m here to tell you that if you’re not a mother yet, or don’t plan on becoming one right now, or ever, that it’s ok.

There are no rules saying you have to become a mother. It’s your choice, as a modern day woman, to do whatever you want with your uterus.

Not that you need my permission to do what you wish, but maybe you need my support.

You see, because I’m a new mom, I still remember what it was like 2 years ago before I became a Mom. Yep, with a capital M, because apparently what I choose to do with my vagina makes me special somehow.

I remember being told that I would understand once I became a mother. I remember hearing my mother get told that SHE would understand when she became a grandmother. Even though she was ALREADY a mother, I guess she hadn’t leveled up enough to hangout at the adult table with the rest of the old women. Because being a grandmother makes you old. But that’s a blog only she can write ha ha ha.

But what were we supposed to be understanding? What otherworldly knowledge was supposed to be imparted on me once I pushed my little Nugget from my lady bits? Because someone seriously dropped the ball on sending me this information. Maybe I should check my junk mail folder?

I mean, I can now understand the kind of sleep deprivation you don’t really get upset about. I may be up in the middle of the night feeding my baby (not really. She’s been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months old), but maybe you’re up super late finishing a project for work. Or maybe you have severe jet lag from all your travels. All three examples can feel equally exhausting and rewarding. People get tired. We just get different kinds of tired. This doesn’t mean I didn’t understand “tired” before I was a mother.

I can also understand an unconditional, chest bursting kind of love. But who hasn’t felt a chest bursting kind of love for something or someone? My heart fills with pride when I look at my daughter because she is my masterpiece. But I’m certain I felt pride in my work before I was a mother. I know my chest bursts with joy when someone loves the work I’ve done for them. Now my life’s work is being a mom, but your life’s work may be something else. And that’s OK. Feed starving children in Africa. Bake cakes. Teach others. Model. Eat an entire pizza in bed, naked. Do whatever fills your heart with joy; because I understand what a full heart feels like and it’s awesome.

I don’t know who decided that it was acceptable to tell other women that they “won’t understand” until they are mothers. But it’s not acceptable. Every woman has the capabilities to feel and understand love and compassion, joy and fear, hope and pride. So the next time someone pressures you about having kids, or belittles you because you choose not to be a mother, make sure you remind them of all the cool stuff you’re doing that’s just as amazing as being a parent.

You probably don’t understand what it’s like to get baby poop on your finger though, but I’m sure you don’t mind.


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